New beginning

Anastasia Retyunina
4 min readDec 29, 2021

Hello my dear readers! No matter how much I wanted the previous post to be the last in 2021, I still desire to share something new with you. I finally started reading the book I’ve been longing to read for a long time! Actually I’ve planned to do it a week earlier, but somehow time flew by and I was amazed by how the absence of a plan can actually damage your schedule in your head. So next time I hope I’ll keep my experience in mind and won’t waste much time. So, here it is: “The 5 Love Languages”. Don’t worry, it’s short, so I’ll quickly finish it and get another one! (in case you might think it’s not profound enough)

As I’ve started this book, I immediately felt so happy, because of the language of the author, his manner of explanation and obviously the content.

In the introduction Dr. Chapman explains the reasons to read this book. You might think it’s only for romantic relationships and marriage, I want to reassure you, because I believe it’s helpful even for your day to day communication with your friends and important people around you.

One thing immediately caught my attention: it was his comparison with linguistics and learning languages (exactly our topic). I think it was pretty reasonable how he drew a parallel between a native language of a person and his psychological language of love, that is similar to his native language. I can explain it this way: from childhood we get used to speaking our native language as well as our love language that is formed and developed based on their unique psychological makeup and the way their parents and other significant persons expressed love to them. As the author says:

“…inside every child there is an emotional tank”

That’s why I feel so excited to learn more about these 5 love languages and put new knowledge into practice.

The author starts with explaining one really important thing for me-the difference between the feeling of being in love and actual love. I believe it’s significant knowledge for all of us if we do not want to get hurt or hurt others.

As Dr. Chapman provided examples from his work and consultations, I learned more about this state of being in love. His main idea is that people often confuse these two conceptions because of idolized pictures of happy marriage in movies or in books and that’s why they seek to get these “euphoric feeling of falling in love” and only then mistakenly interpret such signs as true love.

Then the author started with the first language that is “Words of affirmation”. His examples make it so clear that I have no misunderstanding and questions. He even divides this language into different approaches, or how he calls them “dialects”, for example:

1.verbal compliment

2.encouraging words

3.kind words

I really appreciated that he explained every concept by covering some stereotypes that people usually have when they hear such things.

For example about verbal compliment “…it’s not about verbal flattery, but doing sth for the well-being of the one you love”

I think it’s important to state his opinion here to which I strongly agree (even if we drop the word “spouse”):

“We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”

I really enjoy that he talks mainly about love, because I believe it’s one of the most important things in our life. Without love there can be nothing as kindness, friendship, happiness and other warm feelings and emoyions. Love is a great power!

At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another.

So far I’ve read to this point and I’m looking forward to discovering new things or repeating and enhancing on the concepts I’ve already heard about.

And now I would like to share some new vocabulary with you:

  • relinquishing — to unwillingly stop holding or keeping something
  • whirlwind romance — when you make a firm commitment to live together or get married.
  • to be peppered with — to hit (someone) repeatedly with (something) figuratively
  • traverse — to move or travel through an area
  • permeate — to spread through something and be present in every part of it
  • span — the period of time that something exists or happens
  • meld together — to (cause something to) combine with something else
  • inopportune — happening or done at a time that is not suitable or convenient

Thank you for your attention!

Hope you understand the reference:)